Things to cry about~

Today is the first time I actually realized how much pressure I gave myself. Its not that my pictures were horrible but its because of the mental block I faced. It kind of dawned onto me that I tend to think too much thus forcing myself to do stuff I hate. I was always pressed down by rules, rules and more rules. Rule of 3rds, 4 point rule, rule of ratios, rule of ambiance lights, rule of focus, rule of everything. Thus by pictures are always governed by rules making it so stressful when I take a shot.
I would like to thank M for encouraging me and making me realized what was happening. I never knew that I was that badly affected till I actually sat down and talked about it. I always thought that I was strong and I can handle all things that come my way but the fact is that sometimes, I still need to sit down and talk to someone about all the things I kept in me. And for today, M just kept looking at me and somehow I just felt so disappointed that I am not perfect. All these while it has been fake it till you make it and lie to yourself to lie to others. But today's tears were one of disappointment and true sadness. It has been an endless chase and I am always the one who is left behind. I am always the one getting slapped down in the mud. I taught myself to manipulate my words and thoughts but I just didn't realised that I was the one being affected by those words.
When words are drilled into you everyday, it becomes an impact. Fail. Cannot make it. Fail. Why is it like that? Fail. Fail. Cannot make it. Fail. No matter how fabulous I am, its impossible to ignore words that cut you up. No matter how much I smile, I can't hide anything anymore. I am not sure if its because she affected me or that the people that surrounds me right now are getting sharper, I find that it is really hard for me to lie. I lost my stone cold composure and it is so unlike me to break down like that.
Thus from now on, we are who we are and nobody else. Both Jamie and Alice. We will no longer chase and catch up. We will not think so much and we will learn to enjoy taking fabulous pictures with absolute confidence.
Thank you M for talking to me today(:



Tag replies:

JKT: Of course! Or not you will learn the true meaning of wallpaper(:

Munky: haha! his ears are like flying everywhere<3